Ever since Khes got pregnant, many things have changed. My view of her has become less of the eminent picture I once held for her. When I first met her, I was a different person and she was a different person. The person I met had worldly style and presence. Her punk attitude allowed herself to do what she wanted and have fun being her Khes-esque self. Every day was literally an adventure for her. Every time she called me was to tell of the crazy thing she did or the new hippie friend she made. This wild life she led nurtured a musical gift I’ve never seen in anyone else. She had an understanding of the connection of human emotion to chords and melodies and vice versa. Completely self taught, self-grown talent; she was a bad-ass girl living in bad-ass world.
I drew off Khes for inspiration constantly. She was everything I admire: strength, confidence, romantic vulnerability. But as time passed, her own life betrayed her. She got drunk one night with some friends and almost died from alcohol poisoning. She was arrested for underage drinking and spent a night in jail. After that, she lost some family, friends, and her home. She was forced to live off each day and find a place to sleep each night.
A couple of months later, she showed up at my doorstep looking completely trashed. She had her new boyfriend with her and important news to tell me. I guessed it before she even told me. At that point, I was hurt with disappointment and anger. She betrayed herself and me.
Our lives both changed after that. She responsibly calmed her situation by finding a job and an apartment and has worked to bring her daughter into a saner world. I help her as much as I can, but there is so much I can do. I’m proud of her for taking responsibility but what happens now? This one slip-up of judgment has cost her the edge that gave Khes her essence. She is now just another citizen tied down to the reality of a boyfriend who has yet relinquished his bachelorhood habits and a job that can’t support her forever. Her guitar in the mean time waits collecting dust. I try to get her to play again but it’s too late. Her gift has been buried under her new commitments.
One day when we were walking downtown along the Truckee River, someone passing us saw her pregnant stomach and said, “That’s sad.” I wanted to grab his shirt and beat the crap out of him. I was pissed at him for disrespecting my friend but I’m scared he’s also right. I saw Khes taking her talents on stage. I saw her playing shows and recording music. She’s one of the few people who had it in her to make her dream come true. But it is unlikely time can turn back now. How can I regain the love and respect I had for her?
Is it possible to forgive and forget? Is it possible to transgress after a major mistake? Can true talent be diluted? Can a person always be great or is it a quality that comes and goes?
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